stay strongThere were times I thought they would kill me.  I did not die…and some days, I promise you, that was harder.

I hid the bruises, pretended I wasn’t in agony simply bending over to tie my shoes, and became a habitual liar to excuse the hell that leaves marks on my body like a road map through hell.

I wanted something bad to happen to my abusers and yet felt guilty about the hoping because I was a good person in a horrible situation that was out of my control.  I took the hits, the screaming, the insults…but I did not cry because then it would have been worse.

I made it out alive and work hard to live the rest of my life free – but sometimes the dark makes me remember, loud noises startle me because I have a mild form of un-diagnosed PTSD, and sometimes – despite all my efforts to never be like them - I have slips of rage.

I worked for years to control my temper, to slow my breathing, control my heart rate, and stop the red from invading my vision.

I know I could kill the woman in the mall parking lot punching her kid in the backseat of her pretty car. I could do it. I want to do it. She outweighs me by 50 pounds but I know how to make her hurt – how to bring her down into a weak and whimpering mass of pain.  It’s been done to me.  I remember well.  I confront her verbally instead. I shame her and humiliate her and take down her license plate.

Then I go there every night for a week at sixteen years old with a 110 camera and a tape recorder.  I wait.  I know she will beat that child again.  If she will hit that kid in public – she tortures him in private.

[click to continue…]


Fair warning, this is an M/M story. That means, in plain English, sexual activity between two men. If that is a turn-off for you, skip this one (and definitely don’t freak out on me…I love writing stories about men). For all you women out there who secretly love stories like this…enjoy.

Troy stood in the dark, staring at Dominic’s naked back as he slept. Lean, olive-skinned, and oh-so-beautiful. His lover trusted him. Believed in him.

Earlier tonight, Troy betrayed that trust. He left his late business meeting and ended up at his old haunt; dancing and drinking like he did before he committed his life, his future, to the man in front of him.

He allowed another man to touch him, kiss him, and suck his cock in a shadowed hallway. Less than ten feet away, another couple groped and gasped in pleasure.

So fucking sordid.

Dominic had blue-black hair and deep blue eyes. His body was sculpted, stunning. He was an engineer. He worked hard and he loved hard. Completely. Four years older and a lifetime more mature than the man he claimed for his own.

Troy was restless and ashamed, knowing he’d jeopardized the best thing to ever happen to him.

He stripped quietly in the huge bathroom. Stepped into the shower to scrub his body of stale smoke and cheap cologne; to wash his cock clean of the physical while the emotional dug deeper.

Drying, he moved into the bedroom, their bedroom, and watched the steady breathing of the only man who ever valued him as a person. Not for his money, his cock, or his connections. Just him. Flaws and all.

Lifting his head groggily, Dominic smiled. Bright white teeth flashed in a sensually full mouth. “Hey. Missed you.”

Saying nothing because he was afraid, Troy pushed at his lover’s hip and urged him to his back. Clenching hard thighs, he lowered his head to plant urgent kisses along his hips.

“Troy. What is it?”

So perceptive. Fuck. “I want to love you. Please…”

[click to continue…]

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Have a Happy 4th of July

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There are times throughout the day when I think about you, when I wonder what you’re doing, and wish you were close enough to touch me.

Then there are times when you surprise me by coming home early or calling out sick and as I’m sitting in the quiet house working, I suddenly feel your hands on my shoulders, moving over my collarbone, and dipping to cup my breasts. You kiss my neck – which makes my eyes close and my breathing speed up instantly.

I moan your name because every cell in my body tunes to you that fast. That fast, my heart is pounding. That fast, my nipples are hard. That fast, I am wet…ready for you.

“Stand up, Erika,” you tell me firmly as you nudge me out of my chair.

I start to turn around and you stop me, pinning me against my desk, and pressing into my back and ass with your body.

I can feel your cock through our clothes and you’re so hard that my stomach clenches in anticipation. I reach back to touch you and you grab my hands, using your body to bend me in half, my chest against the wood.

Stretching my arms out, you push my palms flat. “Leave them there.”

Your hands stroke up my arms and I rest my cheek against the cool surface to watch you out of the corner of my eye. My hair is everywhere and you move it to one side, planting kisses along my ear, my jaw, my neck before nipping my shoulder through my t-shirt.

“You’ve been working all morning.” I nod. “Did you finish your deadlines?” I nod again. “What a good girl. You deserve a reward.”

[click to continue…]

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Night Terror by Shayne McClendon“I feel dirty.

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Wrong in my skin.”

“When I was your age, I was a hooker. Not one of those classy ones like they show in the movies. I stood on a corner and I had a pimp who had heavy hands.”

“Did you hate it?”

“I felt nothing. Nothing good. Nothing bad. The men who were my customers could have anything they wanted – whether I wanted it or not – for the right price. I was nothing more than a piece of meat to be bartered for drugs, for weapons, for cash.”

“I thought I’d have to do a turn on the street when I ran away.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Do you feel dirty? Do you feel wrong in your skin?”

“No. It was a part of my life that taught me so many things I didn’t want for myself. It taught me a strength I was lacking before it happened. It put me on the right path that emerged from a very dark wood.”

“Do you think I’ll be like that one day?”

“I know you will. You’re stronger than you think. Your stepfather can’t hurt you here. He cannot touch you anymore. God will understand if I kill a man to protect a child.”

“You would kill him if he came to the home?”

“I would kill him and then I would say a prayer that his soul received the punishment my bullet would not have delivered. A merciful death for a man such as he is not justice.”

“You know how to shoot a gun?”

“I do.”

“You have a gun?”

“More than one.”

With a heavy but clearly relieved sigh, she laid back on the mattress.

“Thank you, Sister.”

“You’re welcome, darling. Sleep gently and no more night terrors. The morning is just hours away and a new day means fresh possibilities.” Standing, she tucked the blankets around a form that was far too thin and covered in too many scars. “May God bless you and keep you.”

As she moved through the narrow dorm, checking the other girls sleeping – some fitfully, she thought to herself, “If he’s busy…I’ll be on duty.

© Shayne McClendon

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Quotes from “Yes to Everything”

June 11, 2014 Books
Yes QG 1

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Tomorrow by Shayne McClendon | A Free Story

June 5, 2014 Micro Stories
Tomorrow - Free Story Graphic

It wasn’t so much that their love was dangerous…it just wasn’t healthy for either of them.  They fought constantly, resorted to name-calling, and on several occasions had abandoned one another on the side of the road. It was ridiculous really.  In the beginning, they said they loved each other a lot – the sex was […]

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Vegas by Shayne McClendon

May 5, 2014 Erotica
vegas 6

The sun was glaring through the window of the hotel room and straight into my agonized brain. I recognized the signs of a hangover and chastised myself for being an idiot. I knew I couldn’t handle alcohol. Why did I insist on drinking? Because I’m a glutton for punishment, that’s why. There were few people who could […]

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Meet Lizzy from Completely Wrecked | A Dramatic Romance by Shayne McClendon

April 28, 2014 Books

The character of Elizabeth Clayton (Lizzy) was one that spoke personally to me. As a fiercely cheerful person – someone who tries to always wear a smile – those around me react to my occasional pain, sadness, or anger with shock. I don’t experience them often, to be honest. When I do, they are deep […]

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Meet Dylan from Completely Wrecked | A Dramatic Romance by Shayne McClendon

April 28, 2014 Books

When the idea for “Completely Wrecked” came to me…I didn’t know *anything* about the story. In fact, the first incarnation I had (roughly) of Dylan Lange was as an addict. That was far too simplistic for my darling. As an abuse survivor, I can tell you that channeling all that crap into Dylan’s character was […]

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