We crave it.
We obsess over it.
No one wants to talk about it. Not really. Sure, the internet is filled with sex sites, chat rooms, porn…enough material to watch for a little in secret, get yourself off, and get back to your ho-hum existence where you pretend you’re perfectly happy with your sex life but really dream of reading “that story” or watching “that video” again the first chance you get.
When did we become such prudes?
As an American, I can tell you we are the most backwards group when it comes to how we think about sex. I was just talking with a friend the other day about the acceptance of violence versus the acceptance of sexuality. It is perfectly acceptable – expected even – for us to embrace violence in movies, television, and video games.
Let a consenting, loving couple show even a little too much sensuality on camera and half the country seems to lose their shit. Unless they get brutally murdered during…then, once again, all is right with the world.
Most men are stereotyped as either “fine, upstanding” members of society (translated: monogamous and vanilla) or portrayed as the guy wanking off ten times a day in front of his computer.
They’ve been cornered for years and now we’re allowing them out a little. Guess what for? To beat the shit out of us as we apparently moan in ecstasy. Once again, violence is alright…sensuality is shunned.
Women seem to have no clue who they are anymore. Our “media norms” vacillate between the “soccer mom” who blushes if she hears someone say orgasm out loud – and the vapid, ridiculous “whore” who sends pics of her (or someone else’s) privates to anyone with an email address and pretends she masturbates a dozen times a day “just thinking about you” – usually tying her up and whooping her ass.
*insert hysterical laughter here*
I think the majority of us fall somewhere in the middle…but have no clue how to go about finding like-minded people.
Those people who act like sex is hush-hush annoy me and those men and women who put way too much out there ruin it for the rest of us.
Men hold back their primal side because that is what society expects. What they really want to do is to slam you up against a wall and fuck you until you scream their name. I’ve never met a man who doesn’t fantasize about this a little.
I find it interesting that most men could not give a good damn about beating a woman’s ass. Fine in porn, not so much in practice. Restraining their partner? Oh yeah. Men (and women) love the idea that their lover is at their mercy.
So many possibilities.
Women want orgasms (stop it – you know you do) and it is mind-boggling how elusive those little fuckers can be. I’ve talked to women who have been in relationships for decades and have never – not once – experienced a vaginal orgasm with their partner. They fake it and fake it and fake it because they feel abnormal and embarrassed and have no clue how to communicate what they need in the bedroom. Grown women who are unsure about their bodies. That is not okay.
Sex is natural…not unnatural.
It is a way to release tension, connect to someone else, and ground yourself to the “now” for a little while. If you can think or worry about anything else during sex…you’re not doing it right. If you walk away without an orgasm, either you’re being too fucking quiet or you have a partner who isn’t paying attention. I know this from personal experience – and I’ve never been the “quiet” type.
It’s time to talk about sex in the real world. I’m writing a non-fiction book about it. I’ve had the outline for years – and yes, it’s one of the reasons I wrote “The Barter System” – because I’m a crazy little monkey like that.
I’ll be taking surveys in the next few months – I promise you they will be 100% anonymous – done through Survey Monkey.
Let’s talk about sex, baby…because we should and we can. You’re going to be so glad we did.